How can I solve a close friend's problems? (Smoking, cutting, stealing, drugs)?I have a friend who happens to be a girl, this girl comes to me to talk and chat a lot and asks my opinion on a lot of things/problems. Therefore I have become her emotional rock of stability. I know I'm 99% friend-zoned but that's not the point.
The point is that this girl is one of the most problematic girls I have ever seen, she smokes, hurts herself (cutting), steals, occasionally takes drugs. She also has low self esteem, low motivation to do anything you get the picture. I know that the trigger for all of this was a bad relationship which ended in my friend getting emotionally scarred along with a history of mistakes in which she blames herself for nearly every one of them which is probably why she hurts herself as punishment.
I have done everything I can think of to help her yet nothing seems to work. She is already receiving professional treatment, mostly anti depressants but they don't seem to help at all. Also she doesn't seem to like to talk to anyone about all of these except for me. Is this hopeless? Probably but lets just see what you guys can come up with.
Also leaving her alone is not an option for me as she feels alone as it is, and me leaving would probably result in suicide.
SpaldingJag
It seems to me that just about everything that can be done is already being done for your friend. Sometimes these things just take time. My advice would be to hang in there with your friend and just be patient. You need to be careful, though, that you don't end up getting caught up in the same stuff that she is. Help her, but don't let her pull you down at the same time. If you are smoking, stop. Don't do the drugs with her just to make her feel better about herself. You know what I'm talking about, right?
CherryBomb
1) during one of your talks, tell her your scared for her. Tell her your worried.
2) try to make her life has happy as possible. distract her from the bad things if you get me. like give her a happy yellow smiley faced balloon :)
3) when it comes to that past relationship that did damage...get her to write down ALL her feelings. all of them. Then you guys can talk about them, work around them.
4) they often try to prove you wrong eg
"your pretty"
" no im not, im fat"
yeah that sort of thing.
so my suggestion for that would be to get everyone she loves to contradict all the negative things she says about herself. maybe get them to write positive things about her or make a video movie with everyone in it :D
5) do things that build up self esteen eg get her to go a beauty spa or something......make her feel beautiful.
good ray
If he is ready to listen and
respect you.
Josh
I think you're already doing *exactly* the right thing. There really aren't any miracle cures. But if she's just receiving anti-depressants that ISN'T ENOUGH given her background, she needs regular appointments with a psychologist to deal with the childhood emotional abuse which causes this kind of behavior. Anyway, the support of a friend is critically important, on some level, *she* knows what's right for her which is why she's chosen to confide in you.
BTW, don't nag her on the smoking, it's a strong antidepressant and she's probably wiser in doing it than you think, self-medicating. And *occasional* drug use probably isn't going to do her any harm. Stealing is more serous, it can of course have consequences which could be particularly dangerous for someone who's depressed. The cutting of course is a symptom of abuse. Metaphorically speaking, her parent(s) "cut her" when she was young. Now she's doing it for them. She really does need to see that psychologist.
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